The day these newborn pictures were taken I remember being SO stressed out. Clyde was only two weeks old so we had only had him home for a little over a week and I was so overwhelmed. Before, we had AMAZING nurses who helped us all so much and definitely lightened the load. Caden had been SO helpful, especially once we were home, and honestly took care of everything except feeding Clyde (which I felt like I was doing 24/7!!) I was hurting as I recovered and freaking out at the thought of Caden going back to work the next day. I felt so stressed and worried that I wouldn’t be able to “do it all” and stay afloat.
This photo shoot made me even more worried. It was our first time out of the house (besides a quick doctors appointment the day before) and Clyde fussed and cried MOST of the time and I just wanted to crawl in a hole and hide because I didn’t know what to do. Caden was much better at calming him down by rocking him and bouncing him—which I couldn’t do because of how tender my stomach and incision were. I was so grateful I had Caden to be there for him because in that moment I felt like a failure. I was this baby’s mother. Shouldn’t I be able to console him? I felt like I was doing everything wrong and felt so helpless.
When I got these photos back I was immediately in tears. As I sat and looked through each and every picture, I could physically see our bond, even when he was crying, and mostly just felt the LOVE I had for this boy and the love he had for me.
Right then I knew that everything was going to be okay. All I had to do was love him, keep trying and be patient with myself and I’d figure this whole mom thing out. This was a huge changing point for me!
The past 10 weeks since then I have stayed home with Clyde without anyone else and I’m happy to say that we are alive and well. (;
Every day is a learning experience for sure but I have grown SO much and feel confident as a mama. There are still days where I feel like I have no idea what I’m doing or feel stressed by other people’s opinions of how I parent but I at the end of the day—I know I’m doing the best I can and I have a happy baby and that’s all that matters.
As time goes on I’m sure I will feel inadequate some days and empowered the next—but being Clyde’s mom has seriously changed my life. I look at him and I am flooded with emotion. I’m so grateful for him and his patience and love for me! Becoming his mom has been my greatest JOY!
If you are struggling in whatever stage of motherhood or LIFE you are in.. don’t give up!! I promise the challenges you face today will eventually pass and it’ll get better. I also promise that there are people around you (me) that will listen and help in any way they can. It truly takes a village! You are not alone!
